I have been interacting with non-hetero men for many years and this week is the first time I am suffering from intense misogyny from a non-hetero man -- Ernesto Gonzalez. He has been my partner's roommate for the past couple of years. My partner and I have yet to move in together. For these reasons, I have been interacting with him on an personal level (in closed quarters). I am documenting these events for personal as well as public purposes, which shall be clear below.
So what happened in the past week? Here is my version:
Both Ernesto and Walid are currently in the process of moving away from their shared apartment. Ernesto continuously throws away Walid's things, assuming that those things are his (including food items). These actions are inconsiderate and selfish at the least.
In addition to this ongoing problem, another fiasco happened: Ernesto decided that he would visit his partner this past week. I purposefully scheduled my visit so that Ernesto would be away from the apartment. Due to miscommunication, he did not leave during my originally planned stay. On April 15th, he notified my partner Walid around 9pm that Walid can no longer stay as promised till the first week of May. This was another inconsiderate act from him because it is basic courtesy to notify anyone earlier of these changes in lease contracts. Walid acquiesed. I was extremely upset; I cried, protested and fought with Walid over this matter. Ernesto did not mention any of these issues the following day.
On April 17th, Ernesto sent a message to Walid asking him to keep things quiet. He was clearly referring to our sounds of intimacies. Perhaps due to his particular religious upbringing, Ernesto found these sounds more disturbing than my voices of protest and fight on the 15th.
I am particularly upset because my personal privacy has become a "man's matter" rather than something one should discuss directly with me. Ernesto is using his male privilege to suppress my freedom.
Furthermore, Ernesto messaged Walid, saying that he will bring his partner with him on Sunday (April 21st). This arrangement further conflicted with my plans, which was to spend the weekend with Walid, without someone eavesdropping and reporting our acts of intimacy. I booked the trip on April 15th, two days before Ernesto declared his one-sided plans. I decided to cancel my plans and thus wasted a bus ticket I ordered.
Another reason for my shock at Ernesto's behavior is because he continuously complains about his work issues with Walid, expecting Walid to be his dutiful listener, while he disrespects the objects owned by Walid (thus affecting my living standards) as well as Walid's time.
I explained my side of the events to Walid yesterday, and I am writing about it again because solidarity among marginalized people is often at risk due to certain people's selfish and misogynistic behaviors. While I have aspired to create friendships and solidarity across all genders, it is easier said than done. I am still hurt over the events that happened this past week. It is additionally desparing for me as a marginalized person: due to the rising cost of private space, there is no easy solution outside of property ownership that would prevent these events from happening.
So what happened in the past week? Here is my version:
Both Ernesto and Walid are currently in the process of moving away from their shared apartment. Ernesto continuously throws away Walid's things, assuming that those things are his (including food items). These actions are inconsiderate and selfish at the least.
In addition to this ongoing problem, another fiasco happened: Ernesto decided that he would visit his partner this past week. I purposefully scheduled my visit so that Ernesto would be away from the apartment. Due to miscommunication, he did not leave during my originally planned stay. On April 15th, he notified my partner Walid around 9pm that Walid can no longer stay as promised till the first week of May. This was another inconsiderate act from him because it is basic courtesy to notify anyone earlier of these changes in lease contracts. Walid acquiesed. I was extremely upset; I cried, protested and fought with Walid over this matter. Ernesto did not mention any of these issues the following day.
On April 17th, Ernesto sent a message to Walid asking him to keep things quiet. He was clearly referring to our sounds of intimacies. Perhaps due to his particular religious upbringing, Ernesto found these sounds more disturbing than my voices of protest and fight on the 15th.
I am particularly upset because my personal privacy has become a "man's matter" rather than something one should discuss directly with me. Ernesto is using his male privilege to suppress my freedom.
Furthermore, Ernesto messaged Walid, saying that he will bring his partner with him on Sunday (April 21st). This arrangement further conflicted with my plans, which was to spend the weekend with Walid, without someone eavesdropping and reporting our acts of intimacy. I booked the trip on April 15th, two days before Ernesto declared his one-sided plans. I decided to cancel my plans and thus wasted a bus ticket I ordered.
Another reason for my shock at Ernesto's behavior is because he continuously complains about his work issues with Walid, expecting Walid to be his dutiful listener, while he disrespects the objects owned by Walid (thus affecting my living standards) as well as Walid's time.
I explained my side of the events to Walid yesterday, and I am writing about it again because solidarity among marginalized people is often at risk due to certain people's selfish and misogynistic behaviors. While I have aspired to create friendships and solidarity across all genders, it is easier said than done. I am still hurt over the events that happened this past week. It is additionally desparing for me as a marginalized person: due to the rising cost of private space, there is no easy solution outside of property ownership that would prevent these events from happening.
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