Ramadan 2019: Day 25 - Eid al-Fitr

I will skip writing about some days, partly because I am lazy, and partly because I want to discuss the feelings of the end right now. I usually did not have a lot of opportunities for making meaning with others in previous endings of school or relationships. Eid is very special in that sense because it is a public celebration of the end of an intimate matter related to the body and soul. Astrology appeals to me for the same reason, because some humans become aware of the lunar calendar and celestial order through astrology as well. The lunar calendar of Chinese Han culture did not make a very deep impression on me prior to the discovery of Islamic months and astrology.

On Day 24, Khalid, Walid's brother, called us and Walid told him about my day of fasting. Khalid has two sons, who are very cute in their different ways. He recently went through a divorce, and I was curious to see that he was still wearing his wedding ring. He reminded me of my parents' experiences, even though I know very little of either case. He asked if I was happy being with Walid, and I said sometimes. He said it's ok, we are also only sometimes happy with Walid. I enjoyed his self-deprecating humor and openness to my emotions. He told us that he was learning English because he wants to communicate with me when I visit their house.



Day 25 Thursday

Stills from the film Shadow Play (2018) directed by Lou Ye

In the afternoon, I watched a Chinese thriller film, The Shadow Play. The Chinese name of the film is also adapted from a famous Mandarin song, "there is a cloud made up of rain, floating in the wind." The Taiwanese woman A-yun, whose name means cloud, made a fortune in mainland China during the prime years of her youth. Her untimely death despite her wish to return to Taiwan also reminded me of the lack of ritual that can mediate my coming and going from mainland China to the U.S. In contrast, I really appreciate the different Islamic ways of mediating different forms of existence and relationships to place, such as the verse read before traveling.


Afterward, I went to the big mosque because Walid told me that there would be fish in the evening. I sat at my usual corner and continued to read Empire of Guns. It was my first time visiting there without wearing a hijab. Walid later introduced me to his co-worker's fiancee, who is a practicing convert. She told me that the mosque during Night of the Decree (laylat-ul-qadr) was fully packed. We both were curious about each other and talked for over an hour. She started her studies in Boston last year and lived along the green MBTA line. I also met one of her friends, a student from Turkey. But in the end, the curiosity seemed to be largely intellectual and felt like fieldwork. She did not seem to have had many Asian American friends and was surprised that I could be both Asian American and Han Chinese. It is also partly due to the fact that fewer women of color engage in the public sphere. She seemed to be self-conscious about her origins and her single-parent mother, as was I. I congratulated her on Eid in advance because I knew I would not see her before then. The fish was a little bland but I was grateful for the free food.


Day 26 Friday - Eid al-Fitr (Tuesday for some, Wednesday for others)

On Saturday, Walid and I bought some more food and a blender from C0stco. He thought he might give the soon-to-be-wed couple a blender as a gift as well.

I received my first issue of the International Journal of Middle Eastern Studies in the mail today. I joined their membership recently because I will present at the upcoming conference in New Orleans. I was very happy to read Dr. Max Weiss's article, which called for critical Ba'ath studies, rather than reproducing the "war-mongering" rhetoric of the post-2003 era.

On Sunday, I watched an interesting video about feminine energy. Walid and I walked to the park nearby to bathe in the sunlight and I tried to discuss some of my spiritual goals in life. He and I talked, looked at animals and also heard some children play nearby. He also climbed a tree, which I thought was quite cool and funny.

During the following days, Walid and I continued to have conflicts over our interpersonal relationships. We ate his last iftar together and he sang an Arabic song jokingly, that said, "I wish Ramadan was longer." I mourned June 4th, which was the 30th anniversary of the Tiananmen Massacre. Walid celebrated Eid with the mosque community while working on that day. He started work at 5am for necessary preparations. He met Omar, from Taha collective, and wrote a Faceb00k post about it. The other people from Taha collective started celebrating Eid mostly on the later day, Wednesday.

I was glad and relieved that it was over. I felt overwhelmed with the connotations of the holiday and Walid's work schedule. I wished Ahmad and some other close friends "Eid Mubarak", but not as much as I had expected when this month first. I was happy to see snaps of people in Gulf countries all dressed up, hanging out, giving children money and getting new haircuts. I, meanwhile, gave and received zero gifts.

On the bright side, at least I did not have to call any relative I did not want to call:

from a meme group on Faceb00k

Reading the following tweets saved me from more bitterness--

I would like to congratulate the Muslim world on the occasion of #EidAlFitr. I ask Allah to bless your eid & grant you your wishes. On the day of Eid families exchange gifts, however the best gift one can receive is from God. Continue your prayers and devotion even after Ramadan.

— Sayed Saleh Qazwini (@SalehQazwini) June 4, 2019

Eid Mubarak! Praying for all those celebrating under occupation, in refugee camps, in detention centres, incarceration, those who are homeless, stateless, community and family-less, those in hospital, unable to receive medical aid, undocumented, or persecuted anywhere today!

— Suhaiymah Manzoor-Khan (@thebrownhijabi) June 4, 2019

I wondered to Walid, why I only hear from people who are distributing food to the poor, but not poor people receiving food offerings during Ramadan (except me)? The good news is that I finally successfully submitted all documents for food stamps received news from the Massachusetts DTA on this issue. I was grateful that this unusual schedules ended and Walid's non-Ramadan schedule is more similar to my summer schedule. Walid ate plenty of dates at his workplace and perhaps will return to his non-date diet, which usually lacks fruit. I also finished my box of dry dates that I bought a long time back during the last days of Ramadan, 2019.

Doraemon themed Eid al-Fitr Celebration graphic. Interesting to see the Japanese anime characters in Islamic clothes....

Ramadan 2019: Day 2

Today I finished my paper and read some the interesting ethnography on Cambodian American communities. I had visited Cambodia and I had heard about the community nearby in Lowell, MA, yet I know nothing of these fellow "Asian Americans." I have a new understanding of the importance of writing on second-generation and third-generation immigrant experiences. Perhaps due to the fact that many people view my identity through a cookie-cutter lens, I used to view generational differences in much starker terms.


Ramy's show Ramy is also part of this process: although generations view their lives, pleasures and difficulties through different lenses, one can still synthesize the two "worlds" with an open heart and imagination. Like Ramy, I have also found it challenging in social situations and rarely said outright that I did not drink, even though I had already stopped.

Still from Ramy, with his parents

I also really appreciated the differently abled role of Steve and how he interacted with knowing passive aggressiveness, which reminded me of how some of my Asian American guy friends talk with me as well. Some people seem to have had problems with how much the females in the show are interacting with their sexual identities; for me, it is relatable to see people to explore their desires, even if most people viewed them as "undersexed." (Steve included.)

It also takes a lot of courage to commit to creative work, such as ethnography or a show like Ramy. Walid said before, in an endearing way: I like saying that you are Chinese, because anyone can become "American," but not everyone can be "Chinese."
Between writing my paper, I also heard some of the good news from Liverpool. I did not expect that my team would win, let alone by such a huge margin. I joked later that Mohamed Salah did not even have to appear on the field for Liverpool to win.

Walid told me that Salah wore a T-shirt that said "Never Give Up." I had already given up!

The clouds gathered as I waited for the bus; I gave up and walked instead. The rain started just before my Zumba class.
Our instructor Karen told us about her upcoming marriage and possible change in schedules. I felt surprised and happy for her. Today's class was longer and we were all sweaty by the end. She told us that to feel certain songs, which is totally different with how I approached most media as a historian. Towards the end, I really felt one of the beats and pulled it off.

Walid and I met at 9pm, Downtown Crossing, while I was reading about Donald Glover's baby momma and how it created some controversy. Walid and I embraced very longingly. When I complained that I was thirsty, he showed the banana he brought me and told me about his Somali iftar at his new neighborhood mosque.

Walid's dinner

He was served by other men and had eaten everything with his hands like a good sport. Prior to dinner, he compared the prices of food at the neighborhood supermarkets and found them to be not much cheaper than prices in New York. I also complained that at least NY places give one a sense that they are family businesses, whereas the chain stores of Boston do not bring down the prices as much as one would expect.

While we were waiting for the T, a queerly dressed man, cowboy hat in tow, started passing comments to everyone he saw. He said to us, "You two should get married!" We replied as he walked by, "we're already married!" which made him feel slightly sheepish. Walid was very happy that even strangers could see how much in love we were.

Walid also called many of his relatives today. He passed on the greetings of his cousin, who studied as a pharmacist and said "say hello to your beautiful wife." <3 We returned home and watched the lo-fi version of Patriot Act on the mattress "scam" and discussed which mattress we should buy next.

Finally, a funny desi joke my friend Aaron sent to me!

Thoughts on Islam and the English Enlightenment

The following response is written based on my reading of the introduction to the book Islam and the English Enlightenment, 1670-1840. I might post more thoughts if I finish other chapters of the book.

Dr. Humberto Garcia’s introduction to his book, which includes a brief discussion on British Radicalism, is interesting. He stresses how Islamic republicanism provided British radicals to denounce their opponents, such as the Trinitarians. The radicals saw a connection between Islam and Christianity as they would like it to be (e.g., Deism). But to what extent does his text speak to Islamic intellectual history? I remember in another history class at Tufts, when I was arguing for an understanding of the ulema within each specific context (rather than positioning it as a universal category), a person commented that the ulema is just like the Catholic clergy, implying that they were the ruling class opposed to general interest of the people. I do not know what Garcia thinks about the Islamic ulema, but this view is definitely still common and simplifies the complexity of Islamic thought. If Islam once served as a placeholder for British radicals to envision Christianity without a clergy, it can also easily become another placeholder for other purposes.

My second point of uneasiness with Garcia’s treatment of Deism is in his easy acceptance of its ahistorical claims. Concepts of time are a crucial difference that proponents of deism conveniently glide over: They reiterate that the Prophet Muhammad is merely another Luther who came centuries earlier. Yet they fail to see how the richness of Islam encompasses both linear as well as non-linear time. Garcia does not discuss the role of prophets. According to Islam, Jesus is another prophet of the same God’s message, which Muhammad was asked by God to deliver for the last time. While Muslims and deists would be similarly opposed to Trinitarian creed that Jesus is the son of God, what do deists have to say about humanity’s constant need for prophets throughout (secular-historical) time? In Colin Jager’s concept of romantic secularization, who Garcia cites, religions become more concerned regarding issues within this world rather than the hereafter; this concept is another phenomenon of the same issue regarding time.

The final concern I have with Garcia's treatment of Deism lies in the lack of discussion in regards to Deism's attitude towards “heathens.” As Dr. Tomoko Mazusawa, author of The Invention of World Religions, succinctly summarizes on page 188, “Measured against the trio of monotheisms, all forms of Gentile polytheism were deemed no match, however grand and Olympian they might be, not to mention more humble instances of heathen idolatry, fetishism, or any other veneration of limited and particularistic deities and spirits. … any serious challenge to Christian supremacy could come only from other monotheisms.” It is worth mentioning here that the word “Gentoo,” which the British used for non-Muslims in India, was possibly derived from the Portuguese word Gentio: a gentile, a heathen, or native. Prof. Jalal shows in her book Partisans of Allah that there were many Sufis in Mughal South Asia under who promoted the oneness of God after interactions with Hindu practices. Yet how monotheistic does any deism have to be? And to whose monotheism is one measuring one’s belief? It is indeed a fine line. In terms of discursive power, waḥdat al-wujūd, deism and Brahmo are not the same.  Except in the case of Iqbal, deistic ideas of the British variant seem to have been much more prevalent than Sufi ones among colonial Indian intellectuals. To quote from page 283 of The Invention of World Religions: “According to [Rammohun Roy, Keshub Chunder Sen, Debendranath Tagore, and Swami Vivekananda’s] projective view, ‘Hinduism,’ though the term itself may be a neologism, refers to the ancient faith of India, a religion that was essentially monotheistic, and whose ancient wisdom is encapsulated in certain select but voluminous canonical texts, which were beginning to be known in the West as early as the eighteenth century...”  In this context where monotheism is the hegemonic discourse, it would be interesting to discuss Rammohan’s role in our class next week.

C.A. Bayly’s project in Recovering Liberties links these ideas with social realities. He relates that there were many sources for deciding the rights (adhikar or haq) of Indians under colonialism. Yet he is also acutely aware of the colonial conditions which bring these issues to rise: extraterritorial subjects such as lascars or Parsi merchants brought liberalism to the foreground of debate. The British administration’s reaction was to create separate courts for separate believers. In socio-legal reality, there seems to have been many gods in India indeed.

Some more of my thoughts during Prof. Jalal's classroom discussion on the 18th century:

• One needs to be careful in separating "the West" and "colonialism." I would argue that many people in European countries became entangled with colonial systems much later than the process of colonial domination. For example, maps served as tools of colonial domination long before they became Victorian household objects. While there are many linkages between "the West" and "colonialism" found by methods a la Said's Orientalism, the connections are less well established in social history. In my opinion, that is the complex contribution of the Early Modern historiography--if one can start to think of a world before Western dominance, then one can see how history was not pre-determined. 
• Once one can perceive of a world prior to "the West" as the hegemonic power (militarily and ideologically) know today, then one can see how the contestations within "the West" during the 18th century. What Locke, Montesquieu, or Rousseau wrote became a Western canon much later than their publication. Similarly, the dating of Sunni and Shi'a orthodoxies is also important for one to understand what one means when one discusses what is Islam. In this regard I am in agreement with Dr. Abdolkarim Soroush that Sunni and Shi'a orthodoxies only become known categories after the first thousand years since the Prophet Muhammad (in Gregorian calendar, approximately 1600s).
• "Colonialism" as an idea and "colonialism" as a social reality should be disentangled. I think many works use an analytical shorthand to mean both at the same time. We can see quantitatively in English publications how the emergence of "Colonialism" as a published word is rather recent, happening around the same time as decolonization in the 1960s. One can argue that others have been discussing colonialism in other languages much before that, but this post is primarily discussing the English-speaking academy. 

The frequency of "colonialism" in English books uptick in the 1960s, correlating to the process of decolonization.

Comparing the frequency of "colonialism" with the word "colonies."

Obviously there are other usages of "colonies" beyond the meaning of those of colonial domination, but the gap between the two vocabularies' frequencies is still quite significant. One additional objection to the significance of the comparison of these two words might be that the culprits of colonialism would not want to use the word to describe their activities at least when writing in the English language. Thus, there is even more burden of finding "proof" and labor required of those who choose to write critical histories of colonialism, such as learning (academic) English.

Vipassana Meditation Part I: The Practice

I recently went on a Vipassana meditation retreat organized by the Michigan Vipassana Association. The chief person that started the revival and popularization of this technique on the global stage is S. N. Goenka, a Burma-born Indian from a Hindu business community. He was successful in business and participated in what he would later call a “rat race.” After suffering from an intolerable migraine, he became interested in Vipassana meditation and the meditation surprisingly cured the migraine and inspired him spiritually. He became a long-time student of the Burmese Vipassana practitioner and monk Sayagyi U Ba Khin (1899-1971). U Ba Khin passed on to him the technique that he learned from previous Burmese teachers. U Ba Khin told Goenka one day in the 1970s to spread the practice of Vipassana in India. This technique later became further popularized in the west since the 1980s, and a sizable community formed in the Michigan area in the 21st century. 

Part of our walking areas, near a lake

In the 10 days, we did not have access to cell phones, electronics, or books. We maintained noble silence and did not speak to each other. The new students had to abide by the five precepts while the old students had to abide by eight precepts. We took refuge in the three jewels and meditated during the day. At night, we listened to Goenka’s English dharma talks made for a predominantly Western group like ours in 1991. He emphasized that this dharma is universal for finding the “Kingdom of heaven within” or the “brahmanic / nirvanic peace” within, and never used the word "Theravada," which is the name of the Burmese Buddhist tradition. The "universal" practice would needs sila (qualities of morals), samadhi (meditative concentration), and paññā in Pāli (or prajñā in Sanskrit, meaning wisdom). According to Wikipedia, paññā “is insight in the true nature of reality, namely primarily anicca (impermanence), dukkha (dissatisfaction or suffering), anattā (non-self) and śūnyatā (emptiness).” There is the first type of paññā attained from listening to wise people and the second type of paññā attained from intellectual reasoning. Goenka emphasized that without experience one cannot attain the third kind of bhavana-maya paññā. Impermanence (anicca) can directly manifest itself through our meditation experiences. After the first three days of observing our respiration, as a way of sharpening the mind and concentration, we were told to observe our sensations. One sensation would arise and we instructed not to react. Whether it is an itching one, hurting one, or a temperature related sensation. While I did not follow this strictly and shifted here and there, I tried my best not to react most of the time and the sensations that usually would only go away with some kind of willful intervention went away by themselves. In this way we can understand how things are impermanent and we should not get ourselves too attached to the current situation and try to change it by reacting.

S.N. Goenka

Goenka says that these three qualities are like a a tripod and cannot work without the other. Some Indian traditions have tried to dispense the quality of sila and just work on samadhi, thereby achieving fantastical results in what Goenka would call “mind games.” That was exactly my issue with purely achieving samadhi: I had some clue of what samadhi felt like and what moral actions were, but very little idea of the next step of practice.

How did I gain this understanding prior to this retreat? My initial contact with meditation was also somewhat connected to Vipassana. My college friend Rachit’s grandparents had started practicing during their self-exploration years (presumably after retirement) and told him a lot about it. He found out that there were weekly meditation sittings in the interfaith center at our American college. So we started going regularly at first and then sporadically later. I stopped after finding the instructions a bit too superficial. The person conducting the meditation sittings, a learned professor, seemed to have a chip on his shoulder against his previous profession. He would often compare the superiority of Zen Buddhism against his previous knowledge field. I found this comparison unhelpful and thought I could just meditate at home and stopped attending the sittings circa 2013. For the most part, I didn't meditate, until this past week.

Even though Goenka was speaking to a western audience in the Vipassana dharma talks, he still has the Hindu traditions in mind. His deductions the obviously were results of engaging in debate with other Indians. So at times it also seemed that he had a chip on his shoulder. But since Vipassana was already very successfully influencing people of all faiths in India (see documentary Doing Vipassana, Doing Time), Goenka obviously attracted many assents from his polemics. He also used the Indian rhetorical form of story-telling commonly found in many Hindu religious discourses to his advantage. I also found it beneficial for me to compare the different traditions. He was answering the questions I had about the contrasting traditions, such as Vedanta: If both Vedanta and Vipassana advocated for disillusionment, rational analysis, detachment and samadhi, then what is the difference? Goenka would say that sila (moral rectitude) is the difference. I think another understated difference was that the dharma could be practiced by a householder (male or female) who was busy with mundane tasks as well. In contrast, it was probably after the encounters with colonial missionaries did the Hindu reformers start to think about what to do in this life to attain a higher spiritual path other than asceticism and devotion. 

Goenka did not shy away from controversial stances: he would ridicule the promissory offerings done by the bhakti devotees or the people who would recite “Hare Ram” every day: “Why do the Gods need you to say their names? If I set up something and asked people to say ‘Hare Goenka’ everyday, what madness!” I had just watched two documentaries about Kabir to gain spiritual motivation, so I really appreciated some aspects of bhakti devotion. Still, I knew where his critiques lied: if the people just want to achieve some kind of benefit through recitation instead of emulation, it is not dharma. The bhakti singer Prahlad ji, a major character in the documentaries, wrestled with the same dilemma.

Prahlad: "Your place has more sagun (gods of form) worship. Yet you believe in nirgun (formless divinity)."

Interlocutor: "Yes."

Prahlad: "Why do you believe in nirgun?"

Interlocutor: "Nirgun is the truth."

Prahlad: "And sagun?" 

Interlocutor: "I don't believe in it."

Prahlad: "Sagun is not the truth? Why is sagun untrue?"

Interlocutor: "It's the trickery of the pundits! Of Brahmins.

Prahlad: "But set aside Brahmins for a moment. Sagun doesn't mean Brahmin. Sagun means that which is visible, has forms and features. Our body is too sagun. So is the body a lie?"

Interlocutor: ...

That was what one of my co-meditators pointed out as well: we observe a lot of our physical reactions and sensations, while at the same time we want to overtake the impermanent physical aspects. So which point do we know that we have attained realization? To answer that, the next post will discuss the experiential aspects and how different people had different meditation results. 

Further Reading:

Three Myths About Meditation, Debunked

Meditation Now: Inner Peace through Inner Wisdom

The Clock of Vipassana has Struck

A Difficult Pill: The Problem with Stephen Batchelor and Buddhism’s New Rationalists